I’m disconnected from real world. I’m someone who doesn’t fit in this realm. I’m questioning everything around me. From the smallest cell or even the smallest thing in our world known as atom. I can’t cope with my own existence. I can’t even look at the tree without knowing how it actual lives. Why do I feel so rich having this knowledge… Yet so broken and misunderstood. How can it be that u feel so intellectual yet so disconnected feom society, world and this realm. I feel defected by this form of life. I feel more than I actually am. Everyday is a struggle to be. I tried to deconstruct this state of mind and use it in my own good for creating something. To represent us who are alike. Yet I never met someone like me. Someone who shares same difficulties and also positive side. What is in people that makes them so bitter, so angry at others who didn’t do anything bad. It’s cruelty and stupidity that pushes them to have such low perspective in this world. Most people are broken, most of us suffer but also big part of us are not cruel and mean to each other. Being accepted and appreciated is very hard stage of achievement. Sadly.

So everytime you think that you are not worth, don’t. Every day when you think that no one understands you and see you for who you are. Don’t. It’s enough that you see that, that you see you for who you really are.

We humans are designed for many things, but coping with time that already past us is not one of them. I rely on my deepest memories. I always train my neurons to reactivate themselves, to remember the sweetest or bitteres of memories. We need them. We remember so vividly about times we got hurt, happy or angry. Nostalgic feeling kicks in and we feel melancholic. Missing the times we had that one special person beside us. Remembering our home we used to live in. Remembering our older friends and how we were happy with each other. Remembering how it used to be. In next years we will remember this era of our lives and think how some things were good and we miss them. I try to keep my past in bittersweet state. Why? Well... I loved my time as a young. I lived freely. Now I'm an adult, worker and an artist who aspire to accomplish the change. Even smallest change is my victory. As we get older the nostalgia gets stronger. Memories are important to us. They makes us feel. They are us. Keep them alive. Someday you'll only have them.

There are some things that only live in our memories.

Days like these, clouds are crying, sun is hiding behind them, trees shake and leaves break. But suddenly sun decides to peak through. Beutiful rainbow is born and everything receives a nice colorful touch. Everyone is feeling better already.

Most people already know how nature is important to us. Most people know that she gives us more than we give back. For some uf is she also a big inspiration. Big world of everything. From trees to smallest insects that are working in a group and do everything they can to survive as we do. Bees who are the most important part of our ecosystem. Hearing birds chirping and butterflies fly I can’t control myself but to feel good and calm. When I feel down and when everything seems black and white I go out into the woods and find my muse. My inspiration and my colors to make a beautifully rich rainbow.

It’s often said that poets find inspiration in many places, including a good drink. Well let’s not go overboard. Is it possible tho? When pain is there and becomes everything you are. It’s hard not to crave an escape from reality. In that moment anything you can do to escape the grief for the life you don’t have you will do anything. Substance abuse is common among those who struggle with depression. Alcohol is the most common one due to the fact that its easy to obtain. Drowning in alcohol is easier than drowning in your own tears. You just don’t feel. It’s wrong but it doesn’t mean you’re weak. You accept this state of mind that consumes your body, eat your emotions alive. Drink, two or tree and here you are. Lost in the river of depression. In that moment you crave the power to create. You crave for your work to be born and yourself to ignore everything around you. I feel that I’m drifting apart from my existence. I’m loosing this shell that is called body. I’m loosing my own will to go forward. I’m loosing everything I thought is bringing me joy of life. I’m loosing will to even wake up. Well, let’s talk about artists and their point of view. It’s very complex. For me. I live in this world as a viewer and someone who injects information and make it complexly clear to me but for others it’s a menace. Are artists crazy, yes because they create a parallel world. They are masterminds. They don’t understand credits and debits. They cry on sad songs, ideas buzz on their heads to create better art. Their life is art, The way they talk, they way they sing, the way they write, the way they splash colours. They are eccentric and live those in those lost realms and believe that it is the reality. I see everything as an art peace. Everything that happens around me is just a performance, an experience that I see as something so defined but yet still so fragile and not needed. We can live like nothing or we can be everything. We see everything and know exactly how things work.

The idea that artists are “crazy” is a stereotype that often oversimplifies the complexities of artistic minds. Many artists are deeply passionate and introspective, which can make them appear unconventional. They often channel their emotions, experiences, and perceptions into their work, which can lead to both profound creativity and intense personal struggles.

Historically, many artists have been misunderstood because their work challenges societal norms or expresses unconventional perspectives. This misunderstanding can contribute to the perception of them being “crazy.”

Moreover, the artistic life can be challenging. Financial instability, rejection, and the pressure to create something unique can lead to mental and emotional struggles. However, this doesn’t mean that all artists are mentally ill…. rather, they might be more attuned to their emotions and experiences.

In essence, artists are a diverse group of individuals who navigate a range of emotional and psychological landscapes, and they are often misunderstood because of their unique ways of seeing and expressing the world.